in a crowded room,
the only thing that mattered
was catching her eye
I felt so alone yesterday.
It was the morning of my daughter’s end of the year awards assembly. She told me to be there 15 minutes early- because she knows I have a tendency to be a tad behind schedule. She’s a little “fashionista”, so I carefully chose one of her favorite dresses of mine to wear- just for her.
I left the house 15 minutes earlier than I normally would have, so that I would get there early. I got one of the last parking spots in front of the school and I hustled up to the front door. As I approached the foyer, I noticed that there were clusters of people standing, waiting to get into the auditorium. They were not yet ready to let us find a seat.
I stood in the foyer and smiled as I watched all the other moms and dads. Many of them had their own parents with them, and others were chatting with friends. They all seemed to be connected to one another. As each new person entered the foyer, I could hear others call out to them- smiling and greeting their long lost friends.
I didn’t see a single person I knew. Not one!
My husband and I moved to a small community almost 11 years ago, and I consider myself to be a friendly person- but for some reason I have never felt like I “fit in”. Many times in my life I have felt like an outsider, and today was one of them.
In that moment, I longed to be in a place that was familiar- somewhere I had grown up all my life…where everyone knows everyone, a place where I feel “connected”… you know, like that “Cheers” theme song– “Where everybody knows your name… And they’re always glad you came.” And yes, I am singing this song now!
I longed to have a familiar face to sit with. I thought about how great it would feel to have my mom with me, joking and being silly- cheering on our girl…or to have my sister beside me. Or a childhood friend that I could identify with. We would be cracking all sorts of childish jokes, like we were kids again.
And then the time came to find a seat. I happened to see my neighbor, and I sat in her row.
I scanned the crowd of children, hoping to see my Soph- and I spotted her in a matter of seconds. I think us moms have a built-in GPS system for finding our off spring in a crowded room!
And the look she gave me was priceless. No longer did I feel alone. She flashed her mega-watt smile and waved. I caught her eye about a hundred times in the next 5 minutes and we made silly faces at each other. Her moment finally came to march across that stage, and I was so proud of her for making honor roll all year! The smile Soph flashed me was proof of how proud she was that I was there for her.
As I sat there watching all those children and all those families, God reminded me- be content.
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
Maybe He has us here, sowing roots, so my girls and their children will have that very thing I have always longed for- a sense of community… and I am realizing He is still working on me to be content with everything I have and with everything I have not.
And once again, He reminds me how MUCH I have to be thankful for!