Let Go

Surrendering all

that fills my hands 

to the One that fills 

my heart 

Our family has been in a season of change for quite some time now. I don’t like change- not one little bit. I like predictability and to know what to expect out of life. I also know that my greatest personal growth has come from circumstances that have catapulted me into a change. 

I let go of a full time job. It was scary. I felt a little bit like I had “failed”. But ultimately I realized that I learned a TON in that year and I also realized how much I missed teaching music and having music be my vocation. I went back to teaching piano and voice lessons this past February, and the Lord has GREATLY blessed me with over 30 students! By the way- I have so many awesome, funny, heart-warming stories to tell you 🙂 

We let go of doing things that don’t bring us joy.  So it is not a shock to anyone that knows us that we are not outdoorsy people. We don’t enjoy yard work and we don’t spend a lot of time in our yard. (maybe because it doesn’t look so good, lol…) Instead of taking on the daunting task of cutting back 19 years of overgrown bushes and trees, we reached out to a local friend who owns his own business to help us take care of these things. We are making more time to do things we enjoy while also contributing to a local business- and now our front yard looks amazing! WIN WIN WIN! 

I’m learning to let go of my children. My children are not kids anymore- they are young adults. We dropped our youngest daughter off at college for the first time, and I cried like a baby. It was hard to put into words, but after having complete oversight of everything they did and everywhere they went for so many years, it filled me with such anxiety to leave her there and let her go. I called her a couple of days ago and she sounded great. She was doing laundry and taking care of all kinds of things. I asked her if she missed being at home and she said NOPE! Her bed in her dorm is even more comfy than the one at home. That was all it took for me to realize that everything we have done as parents for the last (almost) 18 years has prepared her for this, and she is doing great! And if she was good- then I am good, too! Since that call I have been able to let go of my anxious thoughts and trust God with the rest. 

I’m letting go of a bunch of junk in my house! After living here for 19 years, we have accumulated so much stuff! I am getting rid of it little by little- and it feels sooo good.  

Cluttered house = cluttered mind.

I’m letting go of expectations. Now that we are almost completely “empty nesters” and middle aged, it is easy for me to think about all the dreams I have had and the expectations of where I would be career wise at this point in my life. What I am doing now is not what I planned on doing. But I get to make music with some amazing people and I get to make a positive impact on their lives every week- and that brings me great joy! I am learning that it’s ok to not be busy all the time and that it’s ok to actually enjoy life. Since my husband works from home full time now, we are able to spend more time together than we EVER have! I never would have predicted how amazing my life would be today. God’s plan for my life has been far better than my own could have ever been! 

So I continue to let go and surrender my days to the Lord- and embrace all of Him! He has been good to me and I have been blessed!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. -Isaiah 43:18-19

The dress

I am unapologetically nostalgic and sentimental. Actual “stuff” isn’t that important to me- but the memories that certain things bring to my heart are priceless.

There are a few items that are special to me- one of which is my great-grandmother’s piano. It was passed down to my grandmother, and I can remember visiting her home during the holidays and I couldn’t wait to play it! When I got married, my grandmother gave me the piano as my wedding gift. I have used this piano to teach many, many children and adults how to play piano through the years.

My grandmother’s piano

Another special item is a lamp from my granny’s house. When I was a child, I remember this lamp in the room that my sister and I would stay in. It was a lamp on the top, and there was another light on the bottom that filtered through a base of tiny stars. When just the bottom portion of the light was on, it was like a night light- shining stars all over the room. It was magical– and I am happy to have this.

The magical “star” lamp

My beloved mother in “love”, Iris, passed away this past June. We are so grateful that my in-laws decided to move to Charlottesville last year. They left their home of over 33 years, and left much of its contents behind, too. I really admired them for make this move- to leave behind all the “stuff” to be near family. We will be forever grateful for that last year with our Mom. For the first time in our marriage (of over 25 years), we got to go to church nearly every Sunday with my in-laws. I will never forget leading worship during that year and seeing my precious mother in love raise her hands and sing praises. We spent many Sundays going out to lunch and spending time together- and that was a priceless gift!

My father-in-law had been asking me and my daughters to go through Moms clothing to make sure there wasn’t anything we wanted. Well, I knew we didn’t wear the same sizes, and didn’t think there was any clothing that we would use- after all, they left most things behind when they moved here.

Recently, my father-in-law told me a friend was going to pick up her clothing to take it to a local clothing closet. I was thankful that the friend was helping him! And then the following week, the friend called me to let me know the mission had been accomplished. He had delivered the clothing to a clothing closet, and then he said he took the wedding dress to a consignment shop. I immediately felt a lump in my throat- her wedding dress?! I had just assumed that her wedding dress wouldn’t be given away…

I thanked him for helping my father in law, and as soon as I got off the phone, I prayed. Lord, is this something I’m gonna regret not keeping? Lord knows, I don’t need another piece of clothing in my closet, lol! But something inside of me said I had to find it.

I called my father in law and asked for him to describe the bag it was in, and had him text me a picture of Mom in the dress. I called the shop, and the owner was very kind. “I think I remember this coming in. You’re welcome to come by to see if we still have it.”

As I drove to the shop, I remembered all the times Mom talked about that special day- how beautiful she felt in that dress and how overjoyed she was to get married to her sweetheart! They were happily married for over 50 years! Her wedding dress was one of the few things Mom actually wanted to bring here with her to Charlottesville- and I just couldn’t let it go!

I entered the shop and explained what I was looking for. She took me to the dress section, and there were several wedding dresses- but none resembling my Mom’s dress. I described the bag to her and she said she’d go check in their processing room to see if it was still there.

“I think we have it!” I followed her into the back room, and there it was- still hanging in the original bag, with the original receipt stapled to it. “Merry Christmas,” they said as they handed me the bag. I had tears in my eyes as I shared with them about my precious mother-in-“love” and what she meant to me- and what a treasure it is to have this dress in my family.

When I got home that day, I carried the white dress bag in with me. It was like bringing a “treasure” home! I hope that one day I can pass this beautiful heirloom down to my daughters and tell them the story of how special this dress was to Grandma.

My beloved mother-in-love

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. -Philippians 1:3

Laundry DJ

On this Thanksgiving morning, I am giving thanks for so many things. One of the things I am most grateful for is my relationship with my daughters.

My “baby” is now in the middle of her senior year in high school, and my oldest in her second year of college- and I couldn’t be more proud of them. Not for the things they do- but for who they are! I love laughing with them and remembering funny things that have happened through the years.

Just the other day we were cracking up about our old washing machine. We have absolutely the WORST luck in buying appliances. In the 18 years we have lived here, we have had multiple refrigerators, multiple dishwashers, washing machines, numerous vacuum cleaners, and we just finally replaced our broken over-the-oven microwave. We “nurse” these half broken appliances for what seems like years until they completely die- and only then do we look for the latest and greatest deal to replace them.

Well, our washing machine had been replaced and wasn’t really that old- but of course, it stopped working.

Now, to be fair- each of us do our own laundry. Some of us put more items in the washing machine than others, so each of us had a different experience when we washed our clothing.

I began hearing each family members groan when they went to switch the clothes into the dryer- because the clothes would still be sopping wet. The drum stopped spinning. It would wash the clothing fine, but every now and then, the spin cycle wouldn’t work. I would work fine for me- but not for my hubby or the girls…

Somehow, they realized that if they opened the top before the spin cycle, you could use your hands to spin the inside of the drum to get it going, and then it would pick up speed and wring the water out of the clothes. This began a season of us waiting for that point in the cycle… and then we would hear someone taking out a few sopping wet items to lessen the load, and then you’d hear the hands slowly spinning the drum. The funny thing is that this became normal.

I remember one day it didn’t spin the clothes for me. I was trying to spin the drum with my hands to get it going- just like I had watched my girls and hubby do- and I was really frustrated that I couldn’t get it spinning. Hearing what I was trying to do, my husband called out to me- “You’re not doing it right!” He then came in and showed me his skilled hand spinning technic. Sure enough- he got it going!

I told him he was the Laundry dj- spinning the drum to get the laundry going. We laughed so hard at the absurdity that we were “laundry dj-ing” for so long!

It was only a month or two later that the washer completely stopped working. And yes, we found a great deal on a new one.

So today I am thankful for funny memories with my daughters and hubby.

And that today, we can wash our clothes by simply pressing the button 🙂

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.- Proverbs 31:25

Do it!!!!

I did a “thing”.

Do people even say that anymore? lol

For YEARS I have longed to sing again in a choir, but between work, family stuff, and ministry commitments, just couldn’t find the time.

But two weeks ago, I kept seeing an add for the Virginia Consort Chorus pop up. Coincidence?

Nothing is a coincidence for people that follow Jesus! Each time I saw the ad pop up, I head that still, small voice say “do it!” Each time I saw the ad, the voice got louder and louder… until after seeing the ad about 10 times, I finally said out loud “Okaaaaaaaay! I’ll do it!”

I auditioned and it felt so good to do something like that after all these years!

We had our first practice this past Monday. It was heavenly to sing again with so many amazingly talented musicians. I am super excited and thankful that it has worked out for me to sing again!

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.- Colossians 3:17

Twins

I am beyond blessed that I “get to” meet up with my older daughter and husband for lunch on occasion during the work week.  It is especially easy since Katie has been doing an internship at David’s work. 

But on this particular day, Katie happened to be off, so David and I planned to meet for lunch- just the two of us. As soon as I was headed to pick up David, Katie texted me to tell me she was at in town running errands. I picked David up, and asked if we should invite Katie to join us. NO- we never get to meet up for lunch alone anymore!

Wouldn’t you know that as I merged onto the main road in front of the restaurant we were headed to, there was none other than Katie RIGHT BEHIND US! We could not escape her.  She called and sheepishly asked where we were headed.  And of course, we told her she could join us.  I mean, what are the chances that she would literally be behind us at that exact moment driving through town?!

Then, as soon as she got out of the car, I realized we were dressed exactly the same! TWINS! How crazy was that?!

TWINS!!

David and I say all the time how blessed we are that our girls actually WANT to eat with us… that they enjoy talking to us and being together. 

And I remind myself daily to be thankful for every moment… because you never know what tomorrow will bring!

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes- James 4:14

I Got a Robe

I got a robe for Christmas.

If you watch SNL, you will laugh at that. They did a parody video a few years back about how everyone else in the family gets all these awesome gifts, and the mom gets a robe. Why? Because most of the time moms are the one that do the majority of the shopping and cooking and planning for the holidays!

But the funny thing was that I actually DID ask for a robe. My husband bought me a robe for Christmas the first year we were dating. It was a super plush, red, terrycloth robe from Victorias Secret. That thing was indestructible! Can you believe that I have worn this robe for… drum roll….. 27 years?! That is just insane. Mainly because I can’t possibly be that old.

But anyway, I figured after 27 years, it was time to retire the robe for a new one.

But really, the best gift was not under the tree. (and I know, I know… the best gift is Jesus)

But the OTHER best gift (besides Jesus) was spending time with my family. We got to see *almost* our entire family this year and it was great! And then after Christmas, my hubby and the girls and I always go out to have brunch and then the girls and I go shopping. I never knew how much joy it would bring me to spend time having fun with my girls as they have gotten older. As they have gotten older, we are able to enjoy each other’s company, laugh together, shop together, and our shopping excursions would not be complete without a Starbucks coffee run!

The greatest gift for me isn’t the presents. It’s ALL about being in the presence of the people I love.

I am thankful.

In your presence there is fullness of joy- Psalm 16:11

driving in my car

One of my favorite things to do with my husband is to drive around and watch the sunset. Maybe it’s because driving is how we fell in love all those years ago…

When I found myself without a car to get to and from work as a teen, my boss asked a co-workers to pick me up and take me home every shift that I was scheduled to work. My co-worker became my boyfriend in a few short months, and about 18 months later we were married. We are approaching our 25th wedding anniversary this March.

It was on those drives to and from work as a teen that we fell in love. The conversation easily flowed, and we talked about nothing and everything all at the same time.

And in these days where life is busy and our teen girls are more like adults than “girls”, it is one of my favorite things do to- jump into the car with my husband and just drive around. We are instantly transported to the care-free days of long ago, when all we had was each other and a pocket full of dreams.

This is a song I wrote about our drives together. It’s usually me driving- because long ago we made a rule- whomever drives gets to choose the music!

“Driving in my car”

Driving in my car with you

There’s nothing else I’d rather do 

Than spend my days siting next to you 

Driving in my car with you 

And we’ve got no where to go 

But I know where we’re going 

We’ve got miles and miles 

Of roads to drive 

As we chase the twilight sky 

Driving in my car with you 

As we reminisce of days gone by 

The setting sun shining in our eyes

But the time with you is my true prize 

Driving in my car with you 

We fix our gaze on He  who knew 

We’d  sit side by side, 

Hand in Hand 

With the Son in view 

Life is grand

Spilled Out

This year has been a challenge for everyone for so many different reasons. Covid, quarantine, masks, virtual school, changed routines... the list goes on and on… but I am super proud of our daughters and how they have not just “survived” this school year- they have THRIVED! My oldest is a senior and my youngest is a sophomore in high school. All my “senior” wanted to do this year was to go to Orlando Florida to Universal Studios to celebrate her graduation.

When we looked into packages, we realized it was way cheaper for us to go in the spring instead of the heat of summer, so we spent the last week in Florida- and it was AMAZING!

Our family, along with one of the girls’ closest friends, spent a full 7 days together. The schedule was not for the faint of heart- my senior had a list of must-do things at Universal- one of which was riding a new Harry Potter themed roller coaster- “Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Ride”. I found out that on the opening day of this ride, people actually waited in line for 10 HOURS to ride it! Did I say 10 HOURS?!?!? When I found that out, I wasn’t sure if we would actually make it on this ride or not! But all things worked out, and after only a couple of hours waiting, we were able to ride it 2 times! (and it was TOTALLY worth the wait!!!)

We walked over 8 miles a day when we were at Universal… and basically stood in line for hours every day. But something amazing happened- we actually ENJOYED being together! We were tired, but we had the best time!

One of the gift shops had this quirky “Thing 1 and Thing 2” Dr Seuss coffee cup that we fell in love with. The girls said that it was definitely a “need” for me, since I love coffee so much. It was my last purchase while we were at the park.

This morning, I pulled out that new mug and watched the Keurig fill it up with coffee to the tippy top. The funny thing is that the top is actually tilted- it looks like two coffee cups stacked on top of one another, so it’s quirky for sure! And wouldn’t you know it- as soon as I picked it up, the coffee spilled out. I guess it’s hard to hold an uneven topped coffee cup straight 🙂

I am so thankful for the amazing week with my family- and their special friend who is very much like a part of our family. There wasn’t a single moment that entire week that I wished I was home, or that I could be alone, or go off by myself to “recharge”. That week reminded me of how much I love my family, how much I enjoy their company, and how blessed I am. I didn’t know how badly I needed that week with them! Isn’t it funny how this gift to our “senior” turned out being a gift for all of us 🙂 Who would have known that to “recharge”, I needed to spend MORE time with my family?!

As my coffee spilled out this morning, I felt joy spilling out of me.

It’s good to be home…but I will never forget the amazing week we had together.

Lord, You alone are my portion and my cup- Psalm 16:5

The best coffee cup EVER

me and my bff

Hogwarts Castle

My hubby and his favorite ride- Spiderman!

The dragon in Dragon Alley

All in the family

my “senior”

The sunset on the ride home

Julievision

I have been listening to a great online course on overthinking by Jon Acuff. In one of the sessions he talked about having empathy for others- as well as for yourself. He describes empathy as “caring about the things that the people you care about care about”.

This really resonates with me. My husband and my daughters all enjoy the Marvel Movies and like to “geek out” over the characters and story lines. I admit that this is something that I have had to work at caring about. It just wasn’t something I was exposed to or watched growing up. But because I love my family, I have learned to find joy in watching these movies with them, too.

We recently watched the Wandavision series on Disney Plus. At first, my hubby told me I wouldn’t enjoy it- so I didn’t need to watch it with him. And then I snuck downstairs one evening, sat on the couch, and was mesmerized by Wanda’s perfectly crafted sitcom world. Who doesn’t dream of having the perfect family like you see on tv?

I asked lots of questions -because although I have watched most of the Marvel movies, I can’t remember anything these days… and the more questions I asked, the more dots were connected.

Wanda had experienced so much personal loss that she created this entire fictional “bubble” for her make-believe family. She controlled every aspect of this world, down to everything that was said. Eventually she began to lose control, and by the end she realized that she couldn’t stay in that perfect bubble- and she said goodbye to her self-made life, causing her to deal with the personal grief and loss she has experienced.

But the biggest dot that was connected for me was that I am so much like Wanda-

I overthink.

I desperately want to protect myself (and my loved ones) from being hurt.

And to do this, I try to control my own environment.

Self-realization is HUGE! Just recognizing our own tendencies opens doors to change.

What’s the remedy?

Moment by moment surrender. Allowing Him full control of my life and of everything around me. Not worrying about what others do or think- but simply resting in Him and trusting in Him in ALL things.

Isn’t it so cool how God uses something like a Marvel TV series as a mirror to reveal something inside of you?

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13-14

Happy Anniversary to us- 24 years today!

If only I’d known

As we sat down to dinner at the dining room table, I couldn’t wait to eat. Any meal I don’t have to cook is a good one, and I had picked up Chinese take out for all of us. I got one of my favorite meals- chicken with cashew nuts. Honestly, the only thing I love about it is the cashews- I LOVE roasted cashews! That is absolutely the best part of the meal.

As I ate, I dug around and picked out each cashew. It’s kind of like saving dessert for last- who’s got time for that?! I wanted to eat the good stuff first! And then the saddest moment happened. I searched and searched… and low and behold- I had already eaten the last cashew.

Well, if I had known it was my last one, I would have enjoyed it even more!

All day I’ve been thinking about those little things that “…if only I’d know were the last..” , I would have appreciated it so much more.

-Like the last time I ran a bath for the girls and helped them wash their hair. Oh, the splashing and giggling I would hear!

-or the last time I nursed them as babies

-Or the last time I read my girls a bedtime story and tucked them in

-or tied their shoes

-or kissed them on the cheek

-walked them to the bus stop

-held their hand

If I had known back then that those moments would be the last time I would “get to” do all those little things-

I certainly would have taken the time to remember and enjoy!