Let Go

Surrendering all

that fills my hands 

to the One that fills 

my heart 

Our family has been in a season of change for quite some time now. I don’t like change- not one little bit. I like predictability and to know what to expect out of life. I also know that my greatest personal growth has come from circumstances that have catapulted me into a change. 

I let go of a full time job. It was scary. I felt a little bit like I had “failed”. But ultimately I realized that I learned a TON in that year and I also realized how much I missed teaching music and having music be my vocation. I went back to teaching piano and voice lessons this past February, and the Lord has GREATLY blessed me with over 30 students! By the way- I have so many awesome, funny, heart-warming stories to tell you 🙂 

We let go of doing things that don’t bring us joy.  So it is not a shock to anyone that knows us that we are not outdoorsy people. We don’t enjoy yard work and we don’t spend a lot of time in our yard. (maybe because it doesn’t look so good, lol…) Instead of taking on the daunting task of cutting back 19 years of overgrown bushes and trees, we reached out to a local friend who owns his own business to help us take care of these things. We are making more time to do things we enjoy while also contributing to a local business- and now our front yard looks amazing! WIN WIN WIN! 

I’m learning to let go of my children. My children are not kids anymore- they are young adults. We dropped our youngest daughter off at college for the first time, and I cried like a baby. It was hard to put into words, but after having complete oversight of everything they did and everywhere they went for so many years, it filled me with such anxiety to leave her there and let her go. I called her a couple of days ago and she sounded great. She was doing laundry and taking care of all kinds of things. I asked her if she missed being at home and she said NOPE! Her bed in her dorm is even more comfy than the one at home. That was all it took for me to realize that everything we have done as parents for the last (almost) 18 years has prepared her for this, and she is doing great! And if she was good- then I am good, too! Since that call I have been able to let go of my anxious thoughts and trust God with the rest. 

I’m letting go of a bunch of junk in my house! After living here for 19 years, we have accumulated so much stuff! I am getting rid of it little by little- and it feels sooo good.  

Cluttered house = cluttered mind.

I’m letting go of expectations. Now that we are almost completely “empty nesters” and middle aged, it is easy for me to think about all the dreams I have had and the expectations of where I would be career wise at this point in my life. What I am doing now is not what I planned on doing. But I get to make music with some amazing people and I get to make a positive impact on their lives every week- and that brings me great joy! I am learning that it’s ok to not be busy all the time and that it’s ok to actually enjoy life. Since my husband works from home full time now, we are able to spend more time together than we EVER have! I never would have predicted how amazing my life would be today. God’s plan for my life has been far better than my own could have ever been! 

So I continue to let go and surrender my days to the Lord- and embrace all of Him! He has been good to me and I have been blessed!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. -Isaiah 43:18-19

New Eyes

Life is all about perspective, isn’t it?

Like Tiktok.

I admit that I am one of those moms who has been dead set against my kids using it. Now that my girls are young adults, I trust that I have raised them and trained them up right- so I know they use it, but I’m ok with that. 

In fact, I started going on Tiktoc after my daughters and I saw Taylor Swift in concert. I realized that the more I “liked” a certain type of video, the more of that type of content I saw. So I got to see lots of Taylor videos…and then that turned into cottage cheese recipes (which I am loving, btw), and then of course mom stuff. 

Speaking of mom stuff, I am definitely going through a mom transition. My girls are grown and my last “baby” is getting ready to go off to college. I have been both happy and sad for a while- it really depends on the day. I am so excited for her to have this experience, and sad that she will be doing all these great things without me. 

But isn’t it just like Jesus to use something like Tiktok to give me perspective? 

He must have known how I have been feeling, because I opened up Tiktok the other day, and there was a woman about my age talking about her life situation.  She was about my age, and she had never gotten married and had never had children. It wasn’t because she didn’t want those things- she just never met the right man to settle down with. She said she is in a constant state of grief- mourning the life she always pictured she would have at this age. She had even picked out the names of her children.

I instantly felt convicted.

Because here I am, basically living out my “dream”…. two amazing daughters and a wonderful husband…. teaching voice and piano lessons… doing ministry and serving Him in ways that are fulfilling to me- and yet I was having a pity party for myself.

I tell you- Jesus must have known I needed this little reminder, because recently I went with my daughter to her college orientation. A day that I thought would leave me feeling overwhelmed and sad, and I was genuinely happy!  It was like He gave me a whole new set of eyes to see the situation. Back when I went to college, I lived at home and commuted back and forth. I always wanted to know what it would have been like to live on campus… and now my daughter gets to experience that! What a blessing!

I don’t know exactly what this new phase of parenting will look or “feel” like… but thanks to a Tiktok video, I am reminded of the blessing that I “get to” parent two amazing adult children…

and I’m ready to buckle up for the ride and enjoy the journey 🙂 

Radiate

I had just left church to grab lunch for David and I. Both of us have been under the weather for what seems like weeks. David stayed home from church and I went, but I had no voice. That is no fun leading worship when you don’t have a voice to sing or even speak. BUT we have an awesome worship team- and it’s not about me anyways! So I got to worship through playing piano and the team really stepped up and sang their hearts out!

It was a little weird leaving church without my hubby, and I wasn’t feeling the best either. I have been discouraged because I have not felt well for weeks now and after a while it gets you down, know what I mean?! Anyway, I got to the restaurant and gave them my to-go order, paid, and then sat down in a chair to wait for it.

I took out my phone, and immediately put it back in my bag. I just felt like was going to miss out on something. Who would have thought I had FOMO on being PRESENT?! That’s something I need to do more of!

I happened to look at the line of people waiting to order, and there was a really sweet couple standing at the register ordering their food. It was taking them a while to order, and the cashier was being so patient with them. This was a special couple- they both appeared to have down syndrome, and they kept staring at each other- grinning from ear to ear! It was the absolute most beautiful thing to see two people so in love. They stood there for a moment, and then a lady came up behind them to give them money. She looked like she was possibly the mother of one of them. They paid for the order and then took the change with absolute glee.

I was honestly a little jealous of their child-like wonder. They were so filled with joy- just standing there together in love, not a care in the world, their smiles lighting up the whole room. Nothing else mattered. In that moment I began to think about all of the moms through the years who have been faced with the prospect of having a child with special needs. How many special needs pregnancies have been terminated due to fear of the unknown, not knowing if they could handle raising a child that was different? Or maybe they were pressured by doctors to make a choice they hadn’t even considered being an option. I began to cry sitting there in the restaurant. I was filled with joy watching the two of them, and my joyful tears spilled out.

My number was called, and I grabbed my to-go order. I really wanted to speak to the mom but I didn’t know what to say. In a split second, I realized the only clear path out of the restaurant was right in front of this lady’s table. I walked up to the table and asked her if she was related to the couple at the register. She smiled so proudly. “Yes, that is my son.” I told her that I saw the love and joy they had on their faces and that it was very moving. She said that they had just recently gotten engaged to each other. How wonderful. I told her I just wanted to let her know that their beautiful smiles and the love and joy on their faces really blessed me. She smiled and said “they bless me every day!”

We have all been created by Him for His purpose. I don’t know if that couple knew Jesus, but I can tell you that the love of Jesus radiated all around them.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. – Psalm 139:13-16

My Density

Back to the Future is one of my all time favorite movies. I love it when George McFly sees his beloved Lorraine and says “You’re my density… I mean, my destiny!”

This past year has brought so much change for my family and I. Some of the changes have been hard, and others have been huge blessings to us. Last January, I left both of my part-time jobs to take on a full time position with a non-profit ministry. It was an exciting challenge, and I really needed a change.

But by summertime, there was an emptiness setting in.

In late August, I saw a random Facebook advertisement for auditions for a community chorus. Well, that’s something I always wanted to do, but couldn’t because of juggling kids and work and all that other stuff. But now, it was something that I could make time for! I emailed the contact person, and they soon called me to set up an audition time.

It was so fulfilling to do the audition! I sang a prepared piece, and then sight read a few pages of music they handed me. It was a piece of cake- and I was so proud of myself for doing something that I had been wanting to do for so long. I hadn’t done an audition or sang in a chorus in nearly 25 years! Shortly after the audition, I received an email saying I had been selected to be in the chamber ensemble chorus.

The first night of practice, I fought back tears as I sang. I didn’t realize how much I had missed making music! It was like finding a piece of myself that I had lost.

I often have dreams- and they are mostly about music. Singing, teaching lessons, directing choirs… I have had these dreams for years. But I have struggled with the idea that being a music teacher is not enough. I have struggled through the years to find the thing God has called me to do, and all the while it has been right in front of me.

A few weeks ago, I called the music studio where I used to teach lessons part time. Are you looking for a voice teacher? I asked the owners.

Julie, we never hired anyone after you because we couldn’t find anyone with the right qualifications.

And in that moment, I felt a peace come over me.

Making music is my density…. er, I mean my destiny.

It’s the one common theme of my life- the thing that brings me the greatest joy and connects me to God. And making music connects me to other people. I LOVE making music with others and helping them to find joy in it!

So, with my husband’s blessing, I stepped out in faith and recently quit my full-time job to pursue teaching voice and piano lessons again. I am ready to pour out my skills and encouragement on others through music. I just know that the Lord has people waiting for me.

But more importantly- I’m just following the Lord’s nudges.

And that IS enough.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.- Jeremiah 29:13

Laundry DJ

On this Thanksgiving morning, I am giving thanks for so many things. One of the things I am most grateful for is my relationship with my daughters.

My “baby” is now in the middle of her senior year in high school, and my oldest in her second year of college- and I couldn’t be more proud of them. Not for the things they do- but for who they are! I love laughing with them and remembering funny things that have happened through the years.

Just the other day we were cracking up about our old washing machine. We have absolutely the WORST luck in buying appliances. In the 18 years we have lived here, we have had multiple refrigerators, multiple dishwashers, washing machines, numerous vacuum cleaners, and we just finally replaced our broken over-the-oven microwave. We “nurse” these half broken appliances for what seems like years until they completely die- and only then do we look for the latest and greatest deal to replace them.

Well, our washing machine had been replaced and wasn’t really that old- but of course, it stopped working.

Now, to be fair- each of us do our own laundry. Some of us put more items in the washing machine than others, so each of us had a different experience when we washed our clothing.

I began hearing each family members groan when they went to switch the clothes into the dryer- because the clothes would still be sopping wet. The drum stopped spinning. It would wash the clothing fine, but every now and then, the spin cycle wouldn’t work. I would work fine for me- but not for my hubby or the girls…

Somehow, they realized that if they opened the top before the spin cycle, you could use your hands to spin the inside of the drum to get it going, and then it would pick up speed and wring the water out of the clothes. This began a season of us waiting for that point in the cycle… and then we would hear someone taking out a few sopping wet items to lessen the load, and then you’d hear the hands slowly spinning the drum. The funny thing is that this became normal.

I remember one day it didn’t spin the clothes for me. I was trying to spin the drum with my hands to get it going- just like I had watched my girls and hubby do- and I was really frustrated that I couldn’t get it spinning. Hearing what I was trying to do, my husband called out to me- “You’re not doing it right!” He then came in and showed me his skilled hand spinning technic. Sure enough- he got it going!

I told him he was the Laundry dj- spinning the drum to get the laundry going. We laughed so hard at the absurdity that we were “laundry dj-ing” for so long!

It was only a month or two later that the washer completely stopped working. And yes, we found a great deal on a new one.

So today I am thankful for funny memories with my daughters and hubby.

And that today, we can wash our clothes by simply pressing the button 🙂

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.- Proverbs 31:25

Do it!!!!

I did a “thing”.

Do people even say that anymore? lol

For YEARS I have longed to sing again in a choir, but between work, family stuff, and ministry commitments, just couldn’t find the time.

But two weeks ago, I kept seeing an add for the Virginia Consort Chorus pop up. Coincidence?

Nothing is a coincidence for people that follow Jesus! Each time I saw the ad pop up, I head that still, small voice say “do it!” Each time I saw the ad, the voice got louder and louder… until after seeing the ad about 10 times, I finally said out loud “Okaaaaaaaay! I’ll do it!”

I auditioned and it felt so good to do something like that after all these years!

We had our first practice this past Monday. It was heavenly to sing again with so many amazingly talented musicians. I am super excited and thankful that it has worked out for me to sing again!

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.- Colossians 3:17

Twins

I am beyond blessed that I “get to” meet up with my older daughter and husband for lunch on occasion during the work week.  It is especially easy since Katie has been doing an internship at David’s work. 

But on this particular day, Katie happened to be off, so David and I planned to meet for lunch- just the two of us. As soon as I was headed to pick up David, Katie texted me to tell me she was at in town running errands. I picked David up, and asked if we should invite Katie to join us. NO- we never get to meet up for lunch alone anymore!

Wouldn’t you know that as I merged onto the main road in front of the restaurant we were headed to, there was none other than Katie RIGHT BEHIND US! We could not escape her.  She called and sheepishly asked where we were headed.  And of course, we told her she could join us.  I mean, what are the chances that she would literally be behind us at that exact moment driving through town?!

Then, as soon as she got out of the car, I realized we were dressed exactly the same! TWINS! How crazy was that?!

TWINS!!

David and I say all the time how blessed we are that our girls actually WANT to eat with us… that they enjoy talking to us and being together. 

And I remind myself daily to be thankful for every moment… because you never know what tomorrow will bring!

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes- James 4:14

On Your Side

Next week my hubby and I will celebrate our “date-a-versary”. That’s what we call the anniversary of our first date. On August 19th, it will be 28 years. How can I be that old?!?

What a blessing it is for me to go from high school years, to college years, and then to be able to build a family with one man by my side. Aside from my relationship with the Lord, my relationship with my hubby is one of the things I am most proud of. I ain’t gonna lie- marriage is hard– but it is worth it! We disagree, we argue at times, but we have both learned that above all else, at the end of the day we love and CHOOSE to love each other unconditionally.

I had something funny happen last night. I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (like I always do), and when I got back in bed, I felt his arm SMACK me across the top of my head. He had simply turned over and threw his arm out in his sleep.

“Ummm…. that is MY SIDE of the bed!” I said to him in an annoyed manner. I then pretended to karate-chop his arm with my hand at the end of “his side” and the beginning of “mine”.

And then he said the sweetest thing in his sleep-

“I’m always on your side”.

Sigh.

Isn’t that was love is all about?

Home

Yesterday was a special anniversary for us-18 years ago on July 10th, we moved to Charlottesville.

If you had asked me even a month before we made the decision to move, I would have told you there was NO WAY we would EVER leave our hometown. Our entire family was there- and so was everyone and everything we had ever known…but my husband was looking for a job and there were literally no companies that were hiring at that time. I remember him saying we might need to move somewhere for me to find a job. And my first thoughts are always selfish ones. NO WAY am I moving.

And the Lord brought back a memory I had of my grandfather picking up our family one Saturday morning. Granddaddy was notorious for taking spur-of-the-moment road trips. He drove us to Carter’s Mountain Orchard. I remember ooh’ing and ahh’ing with my parents over the mountains in the distance, and as we finally began the climb up to Carter’s Mountain Orchard, it seemed as if our car was going to fall off the side of the mountain! It was a happy memory- so happy that I could see us moving there. So one day I told David it would be ok for him to look for a job in Charlottesville.

Two CPA firms were hiring. He send off his resumes on a Thursday, had two interviews set up on the following Monday, and we spent the weekend driving around looking for a potential house. It was scary to think of moving away from my family. My oldest daughter was only a year old. We knew no one there, but it seemed like the Lord was lighting up the path for us to GO. David received a job offer, we listed our home for sale by owner, and we had a contract for over our asking price within just a couple of days. It was a complete whirlwind.

So much has happened in 18 years, but it all began with being willing to go wherever He would lead. And that road led me straight to Him! About 5 years later, I felt the Lord calling me into ministry and these have been the BEST years of my life. I have had the joy of serving the Lord in my church through leading worship every Sunday, and even leading small groups, teaching, and preaching… all wonderful.

And then this past January I took a full time position working for a non-profit ministry that I love. I still minister at church and serve as the worship pastor in my free time, so I now have the best of both worlds.

My “babies” aren’t little anymore- 19 and *almost* 17! I am so grateful for His many blessings. I often feel like King David when he says this verse from 2 Samuel 7:18- “Who am I, Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?”

I am grateful and thankful that He has brought my family here-

and I can whole heartedly say that this is “home” 🙂

I Got a Robe

I got a robe for Christmas.

If you watch SNL, you will laugh at that. They did a parody video a few years back about how everyone else in the family gets all these awesome gifts, and the mom gets a robe. Why? Because most of the time moms are the one that do the majority of the shopping and cooking and planning for the holidays!

But the funny thing was that I actually DID ask for a robe. My husband bought me a robe for Christmas the first year we were dating. It was a super plush, red, terrycloth robe from Victorias Secret. That thing was indestructible! Can you believe that I have worn this robe for… drum roll….. 27 years?! That is just insane. Mainly because I can’t possibly be that old.

But anyway, I figured after 27 years, it was time to retire the robe for a new one.

But really, the best gift was not under the tree. (and I know, I know… the best gift is Jesus)

But the OTHER best gift (besides Jesus) was spending time with my family. We got to see *almost* our entire family this year and it was great! And then after Christmas, my hubby and the girls and I always go out to have brunch and then the girls and I go shopping. I never knew how much joy it would bring me to spend time having fun with my girls as they have gotten older. As they have gotten older, we are able to enjoy each other’s company, laugh together, shop together, and our shopping excursions would not be complete without a Starbucks coffee run!

The greatest gift for me isn’t the presents. It’s ALL about being in the presence of the people I love.

I am thankful.

In your presence there is fullness of joy- Psalm 16:11