Brick by Brick

What do you think of me?
Wonder what do you see?
When I open up and let you in.
Fearing what you might say.
Afraid you’ll run away
If I open up and let you in
So brick by brick I build up walls
Till I cannot see at all
Take those walls and tear them down
every wall I’ve build around
me
Take those walls and tear them down
tear them down
let those walls come tumbling down
let those walls come tumbling down
Feeling like I can’t breathe
Thoughts like a movie screen
They’re paralyzing me
And I wish I could make it stop
I wish I could turn it off
Jesus is the only thing saving me
‘Cause brick by brick I build up walls
Till I cannot see at all

This is a song I wrote recently about praying for Jesus to help me STOP those anxious thoughts that run through my head.  When I was a kid, I was always worried about what other people thought of me. I was so afraid that people wouldn’t accept me that I didn’t even try to make friends.  It was easier to build up walls around myself than it was to be “me” and allow people into my life.

And even as an adult, I still struggle with wanting to put up walls to protect myself- because sometimes letting people “in” is scary. But it is so worth it!

I am so thankful for the many friends He has brought into my life.

He continually helps me to put my hope and trust in Him and in no other person- because people WILL let you down!  He is helping me love everyone-

even those…

who don’t like the Christmas movie Elf (gasp!!)

who don’t like dogs 

who voted differently than I did in the presidential election

who don’t look or think the same way I do 

who don’t share my interests 

even those who don’t love me back

And by His grace, He can help us see each other- and even ourselves– through His eyes.   Loving other people doesn’t mean we won’t be hurt at times, but that is what He calls us to do. And that all begins with letting Jesus into our hearts and allowing Him to tear down those walls we create to separate us.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

John 4:7-11

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only love

 

I catch myself 

over and over again 

holding on to my anger, my judgement, 

my sin 

keeping score, putting up a fight 

but I’m desperately trying to do what’s right 

so take it all till all that’s left 

is only love 

only love 

take it all till all that’s left

is only love 

only love 

love keeps no records of wrongs- 

so You say 

but the pain is so strong

sometimes I pray 

for the memories to fade away 

until all thats left 

is love 

sometimes I look in the mirror 

and I see

my old self staring back at me  

so unworthy 

but how can I begin 

to love someone else 

if I can’t even love myself?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

1 Corinthians 13

I wrote this song recently as I thought about what it means to really love unconditionally.  I am as guilty as anyone for hanging onto the past and allowing it to color the way I see people.  It is so hard to let go of past hurts and rejections- and even harder to truly love someone unconditionally when we still harbor those feelings.

My prayer is for Him to help me continue to let go and to see others- including myself– the way He sees us.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

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