moms

Like lots of middle-aged folks, I have a hard time going to sleep at night. Now that summer is in full swing, our normal “school year” routine has flown out the window. I have never been one to stay up late, and no matter what time I go to bed- my eyes pop open at the crack of dawn. My hubby has always been a night owl, and our two girls have inherited this trait from him- much to my dismay!

So needless to say, it’s hard going to sleep early while the rest of the house is still awake. I have been keeping myself up ’til everyone is settled, but I still wake up around 5 am or so every morning. Imagine my surprise when I found this in Target the other day-

ahhh….. deep sleep at last!!!!

Really? I can get my vitamins and a special sleep potion all in one fizzy drink?? SOLD!!

I was hopeful- really hopeful, that I was going to sleep like a baby that first night. So around 9pm, I poured my glass of water and emptied one of the powdered packets into the glass. I smelled the berry flavor as I stirred and then chugged it down. It was actually really refreshing. And the powder dissolved completely- another strange pet peeve I have (having powdered residue in my drinks really bothers me!)

I fell asleep really fast that night. So fast that I didn’t even remember my head hitting the pillow. But much to my dismay- I was awake by 1am! I was super annoyed. This was supposed to be my sleepless cure! I got up to use the restroom and then quickly went back to sleep.

Until I was up at 3am…you guessed it- to use the bathroom. Again. In fact, I used this Emergen-zzzz several nights before I realized it was actually causing me to wake up multiple times a night to use the restroom.

So whose bright idea was it to make a sleep aid that actually causes you to wake up to pee several times a night?!

I’ve laughed for days about this because I have one of the smallest bladders known to man, and also because it never crossed my mind that it might actually cause me to wake up!

I’d say a better name for this product would be Emergen-p!

My girls and I… 7 years ago

I dreamed the other night that I had another baby. It was one of those dreams that seemed so real. I was sitting in a nursery rocking a baby girl. The colors were muted gray- like I was in a still-frame picture. In the dream, I knew this was my third baby- a surprise. I felt a flood of emotions- exactly how I felt all those years ago when I held my first baby. A hormonal mess… and yet everything was perfect.

When I woke up, it hit me that I am no longer that same woman I was then. I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago. After struggling for years with pain, unexplained bleeding, and extreme PMS- I tried everything I could to alleviate my growing list of symptoms. What was once a week of misery slowly turned into non-stop discomfort. After exhausting all other options, the only thing left was a hysterectomy.

We had decided years ago that we were finished having children. Both of my pregnancies were difficult- both emotionally and physically. I had unexplained bleeding throughout both pregnancies- leaving me in a state of constant worry and fear. Pregnancy- the thing I dreamed of for so long- was not at all the joyful experience I had hoped for. After being blessed with two healthy girls, we knew that our family was complete.

As strong as my desire was to have a baby all those years ago-I prayed for God to take away my desire to ever have a third one. I knew I didn’t want to go through the stress of being pregnant again, and we felt that our family was complete.

So when my doctor approached me about having a hysterectomy, I prayed about it. And one morning, I heard Him tell me “it’s time”…it was time for a fresh start. It had gotten so bad that I had a hard time getting out of bed most days. Pain, PMS, and an onslaught of other symptoms continued to snowball out of control.

The surgery was a success. I was in some mild pain for a few weeks, but nothing I couldn’t manage. I also had my ovaries removed due to severe PMS, so I wear an estrogen patch.

The patch definitely has it’s downfalls. I am supposed to change it every 3rd and 4th day, wreaking havoc on my (already) forgetful brain. If I am a day late changing my patch, I experience the same hormonal shifts that I did pre-surgery. I have also noticed a difference between generic and name brand patches. I have had to try a few in order to find one that worked for me.

I am 100% happy with my decision to have had the surgery- even though I have some minimal challenges with using a patch. It was definitely the best decision for me.

But for some reason, after having that dream the other night- it hit me that I will never again feel those flutters in my belly… that I will never again nurse a baby… and after mourning the loss of something I had long ago made final in my heart and mind- I finally felt closure on that chapter in my life.

A simple dream awakened within me all the lovely things I had forgotten about my babies, allowing me to finally come to terms with a new stage in my momma journey-

the TEEN years!

My oldest will be 13 in a couple of weeks, and I’m buckling up for this bumpy new ride!