driving in my car

One of my favorite things to do with my husband is to drive around and watch the sunset. Maybe it’s because driving is how we fell in love all those years ago…

When I found myself without a car to get to and from work as a teen, my boss asked a co-workers to pick me up and take me home every shift that I was scheduled to work. My co-worker became my boyfriend in a few short months, and about 18 months later we were married. We are approaching our 25th wedding anniversary this March.

It was on those drives to and from work as a teen that we fell in love. The conversation easily flowed, and we talked about nothing and everything all at the same time.

And in these days where life is busy and our teen girls are more like adults than “girls”, it is one of my favorite things do to- jump into the car with my husband and just drive around. We are instantly transported to the care-free days of long ago, when all we had was each other and a pocket full of dreams.

This is a song I wrote about our drives together. It’s usually me driving- because long ago we made a rule- whomever drives gets to choose the music!

“Driving in my car”

Driving in my car with you

There’s nothing else I’d rather do 

Than spend my days siting next to you 

Driving in my car with you 

And we’ve got no where to go 

But I know where we’re going 

We’ve got miles and miles 

Of roads to drive 

As we chase the twilight sky 

Driving in my car with you 

As we reminisce of days gone by 

The setting sun shining in our eyes

But the time with you is my true prize 

Driving in my car with you 

We fix our gaze on He  who knew 

We’d  sit side by side, 

Hand in Hand 

With the Son in view 

Life is grand

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I have been listening to a great online course on overthinking by Jon Acuff. In one of the sessions he talked about having empathy for others- as well as for yourself. He describes empathy as “caring about the things that the people you care about care about”.

This really resonates with me. My husband and my daughters all enjoy the Marvel Movies and like to “geek out” over the characters and story lines. I admit that this is something that I have had to work at caring about. It just wasn’t something I was exposed to or watched growing up. But because I love my family, I have learned to find joy in watching these movies with them, too.

We recently watched the Wandavision series on Disney Plus. At first, my hubby told me I wouldn’t enjoy it- so I didn’t need to watch it with him. And then I snuck downstairs one evening, sat on the couch, and was mesmerized by Wanda’s perfectly crafted sitcom world. Who doesn’t dream of having the perfect family like you see on tv?

I asked lots of questions -because although I have watched most of the Marvel movies, I can’t remember anything these days… and the more questions I asked, the more dots were connected.

Wanda had experienced so much personal loss that she created this entire fictional “bubble” for her make-believe family. She controlled every aspect of this world, down to everything that was said. Eventually she began to lose control, and by the end she realized that she couldn’t stay in that perfect bubble- and she said goodbye to her self-made life, causing her to deal with the personal grief and loss she has experienced.

But the biggest dot that was connected for me was that I am so much like Wanda-

I overthink.

I desperately want to protect myself (and my loved ones) from being hurt.

And to do this, I try to control my own environment.

Self-realization is HUGE! Just recognizing our own tendencies opens doors to change.

What’s the remedy?

Moment by moment surrender. Allowing Him full control of my life and of everything around me. Not worrying about what others do or think- but simply resting in Him and trusting in Him in ALL things.

Isn’t it so cool how God uses something like a Marvel TV series as a mirror to reveal something inside of you?

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13-14

Happy Anniversary to us- 24 years today!

Presents

the greatest gift

is your

presence

Last week was my husband’s birthday. I admit that I am not a good “gift giver”. It’s not that I don’t enjoy giving gifts, or purchasing things for others- it’s the pressure of looking for that perfect thing- the one that will make someone feel like the king (or queen) of the world, as Leonardo DiCaprio says in the movie Titanic. And let’s face it- as adults, most of us have what we need– and if we don’t, then we just buy it!

The girls and I got him a few things that we knew he would like, but we knew the best present to give him was the gift of being with friends. He is an extroverted “people person” and loves being social- and he also enjoys playing games. So the girls and I planned a small murder mystery game party with a few of our closest friends (who are like our family).

And I think I was the one who received the greatest gift that night…

As an introvert, I love watching people and taking in the scene. I watched the joy and excitement on my hubby’s face that evening and it was such a blessing to me. It was a blessing to be with our close friends, and to see the girls’ and my “gift” played out (pun intended 🙂 all evening long!

The greatest gift YOU can ever give is yourself

your time, your talents, your attention…

your PRESENCE.

In YOUR presence there is fullness of JOY- Psalm 16:11

expectations

in my head 

I plan ahead 

and hope that 

all works out 

until the dread 

when those best laid

plans just don’t

 pan out 

It’s no secret that I get excited easily- and it doesn’t take much!   But I am finding that being excited takes a great deal of energy.  And if whatever I’m excited about falls through, or doesn’t happen the way I expect- it is a huge emotional drain for me.

But I’m learning how to better manage this.

Because my expectations are actually limitations… because maybe the thing I was expecting is not what God is directing to happen! 

Like Thanksgiving…

I think holidays can be a huge let-down. We have this expectation of how we are supposed to celebrate- all our extended family gathered around a table.  Singing carols, sharing stories.  Happy and full of joy.  It doesn’t help that we have all of our acquaintances and friends on social media posting all of their camera worthy moments (me included!)- which just puts even more pressure on everyone to have the perfect day!

But my hubby woke up under the weather on Thanksgiving. We were supposed to travel to see both of our families, but he called his family and made the decision to stay home.  I knew it would be a huge let down for us all to stay home, so I drove with the girls to see his family and then to have dinner with my family.  It’s about a 3 hour drive each way.

After a fabulous dinner at my sister’s house, we started the drive home.  Those 3 hours took forever.

All day I felt like I was missing something, and I couldn’t wait to be home.

As the girls and I pulled into the driveway, I saw the happiest sight.  My hubby’s face was pressed against the window, waiting for us.

I was so happy to be home!  And even better was how happy my hubby was to see all of us!

If he hadn’t stayed home, I wouldn’t have had that sweet homecoming- and I wouldn’t have experienced the feeling of missing my hubby all day.

In the words of an old hair-spray band song by Cinderella-

“You don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone.”

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twenty five

take a step 

one at a time 

as your fingers

lace through mine 

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you go first 

I’m right behind 

other times 

I lead the line 

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give and take 

we step together 

twenty-five years 

closer than ever 

My hubby and I often talk about life and how blessed we have been.

“If you could see what your life would be like now when we were first married, would you even believe it?!” 

“We are so blessed.” 

That about sums up our conversations lately.

Thankful.

Grateful.

This past Monday we celebrated the 25th anniversary of our first date.  In some ways, that date is more special to me than when we actually said “I do.”   I remember everything about that evening.  He wore a bugs bunny baseball t-shirt and khakis.  I wore checked shorts and a t-shirt.  We went to the movies, and then we got ice cream and sat in McDonalds and talked for several hours- about life, our future kids… what we wanted to be when we “grew up”…

I was barely 17 years old, but by the time he dropped me off at my house that night, I knew he was the one!

And he still is.

So I met him at his office at the end of the day the past Monday, and we walked to a local restaurant.  We ate a fabulous meal, and then drove around and watched the sunset and took in the beautiful mountain views.

And we talked and dreamed of our future…

However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—   1 Corinthians 2:9 

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what matters most

Time is an extremely valuable commodity.

With every passing day, I am more aware of how precious our time is and how important it is to spend it wisely.  Lately, I have found great joy in spending time with my husband and daughters.  As the girls are getting older, I thoroughly enjoy our shopping excursions, our deep discussions, and binge-watching tv shows with them.  And as the girls have matured, my hubby and I have been able to spend more time together- going to the movies, going out to dinner… it is a wonderful new season we are in!

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Last night, my hubby jokingly said that our house wasn’t the cleanest.

True.  Very true.

And my response?

“maybe not, but it’s full of LOVE!” 

“Yes it is!”

And that’s what matters most to me.

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I am so thankful to have a hubby who “gets” me.  Who tells me to order take out for dinner because he knows I’m tired- and honestly- I don’t enjoy cooking either.  Who knows that if I don’t spend quiet time at the piano every day, my mood suffers.  A hubby who encourages me to write and be creative and to do all the things that bring me joy.   And I’m thankful for girls who want the shared experience with me of watching our favorite shows together, who don’t expect 4-course home-cooked meals, and who make me friendship bracelets.

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How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.  

James 4:14

Anticipation

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For a moment, I thought the zombie apocalypse might have come.

I had just returned home from running  a few errands, and the girls were no where to be found.  When I was out shopping, I had called both girls on their cell phones, and also tried texting them.  It was very strange for neither of them to respond to my messages.

So when I entered the house, I called their names.  There was no response.  I was a little concerned.  The dogs followed me from room to room as I looked for them.

As I entered my bedroom, I saw that all of the blinds had been raised.  The sunlight was streaming in through the windows, revealing the last of the golden leaves on the trees.

And then I heard it-

Was that really the sound of my two teenage girls outside?  laughing together? 

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I peaked outside from my bedroom window and saw both of them twirling broom sticks, throwing them in the air and laughing as they practiced together.  My oldest has been in marching band for the last 2 years, and recently both girls have taken an interest in learning how to twirl flags (color guard). I breathed a sigh of relief and then thanked the Lord they were enjoying one another’s company- and that they were NOT on their cell phones, arguing,  or watching tv!

About a half hour later, they came inside- giggling and being silly together.

Then my oldest asked if she could use my fancy camera to take pictures.  “Mom, you never even use it!”

“But you’re not going to know how to work it,” I tried to reason with her.

And sure enough, she picked it right up and clicked a few buttons and was well on her way to understanding the settings and all the other bells and whistles.

As I cooked in the kitchen, I watched Katie sneak  around on the floor- taking candid pictures of our dogs, of Sophie, and of our Christmas decorations.   And then it happened- she popped my favorite movie into our DVD player- Elf!

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It was such an awesome afternoon.

It brings me great joy in this season of motherhood any time my two teenage daughters get along and laugh together.

No arguing.  

No cell phones.  

No hiding out in bedrooms.

Just me doing mom stuff, and the girls, enjoying life together-

 anticipating all the joys of the coming holiday season.

I think Thanksgiving Eve may be my favorite day of the entire year 🙂

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!  Psalm 27 

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a little closer to home

I’ve wandered near and far

in search of you

looked high and low

for a perfect view

when all the while

all I had to do

was look

a little

closer

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When my husband has the whole weekend off, I love for us to do things together.  He is a meticulous planner, and I am a fly-by-the seat of my pants girl.  It works out pretty well for both of us!  A little give-and-take goes a long way, and compromise is always a winner for both of us.

So the other night, I randomly suggested we go to the lake together to watch the sunset.  Why have we never thought to do this in our 14 years of living in this neighborhood?!  

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We journeyed the 5 minutes down the street to the marina, parked the car, and found a resting spot against the guard rail.  The sky was absolutely gorgeous. Just stunning.

We could see Carter’s Mountain off in the distance from the lake. And there were pontoon boats tarrying near the marina, taking in the spectacular view.

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Sometimes I think about how much time I waste looking for something better- like looking for a better sunset view….

when we had a perfectly fine view right here all along!

He put your feet on a wonderful road
    that took you straight to a good place to live- Psalm 107:7

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You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.  

Psalm 16:11

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nothing is ever really lost…

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My hubby and I had an impromptu date yesterday,  and we decided to walk one of the local trails.  Instead of wearing crocs with no socks (that rhymes, lol),   I took the time to put on socks and shoes-  a rare occasion it was!

We got into the car, and marveled over the crystal clear blue sky and the smell of autumn in the air.  You can just feel change coming- and we are anticipating the leaves changing any day now.

Anywho, we got out of the car, I reached for my phone in my purse, you know- the one I am addicted to?  and wouldn’t you know it-   I couldn’t find it! Hubby could not BELIEVE that I actually left home without it.

Neither could I.

Ughh… how am I going to document this beautiful day?

Hubs handed over his phone so I could take a few pictures.

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But only a few, he said.  We need to enjoy the moment.  

And we did.

We exchanged jolly, banter back and forth- memories of years gone by, and we dreamed about our future.

I looked around as we walked, and I saw the evidence of the heavy downpours we experienced over the last few weeks- sandbags, a rushing waterfall, trenches dug for drainage.

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I saw weary mommas walking with toddlers, dog-moms walking their fur babies.

I remembered all the times I walked that trail with my own babies.  One in a backpack and the other in a stroller. Those sleepless days were sweet, but seemed like they were light years ago.

Seasons come and go so quickly!

The hubs and I  had lunch together, and afterwards I scoured the house looking for my cell phone.  I couldn’t find it anywhere!  I wasn’t desperate to use it- just desperate to find it- because once I forget where I’ve put something, the chances are slimmer and slimmer that I will ever see it again.

On a whim, I went back to the car to check for it… and there it was in the backseat.  Plain as day.

So I had my phone with me all along.  I can’t remember a walk I have taken without it.  And you know something-

I didn’t miss is at all! 

“Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.”

-L.M. Montgomery 

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I realized today…

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I realized today that I am completely addicted to my smart phone- and I don’t like it.

Not one little bit.

When my girls were little, I intentionally only used it when I needed to.  Same with the laptop.  I didn’t want them to have to compete with electronics for my attention.

Fast forward 13 years or so…now both daughters have them.  At first, they only used their phone when necessary.  And then little by little, whenever one of us was watching something on tv that the other did not like-  it was super easy for the other person to whip out their cell phone and surf the internet.  When a commercial came on- same deal.  The cell phones would come out.

Must. Be. Entertained.

And I have fallen into the same trap.  I do not care for sports and my hubby is a huge sports lover.  So, I sit with him and hold my phone in one hand, mindlessly thumbing through Amazon, Pinterest, Facebook…and a whole host of shopping sites that I frequently visit.

I checked my phone usage a few weeks ago, and I thought well- that’s not so bad!  And then I realized the usage was per DAY not for the whole week!! No lie.

I use it ALL the time- it is my “watch” because I hate wearing one.  It is my computer in my pocket when I need to email, text, or look up something important.  It is how I keep in touch with my family, with my daughters and husband during the day.  I use it for ministry.

But I also use it to numb my mind and to distract myself.

I can literally feel my attention span shortening every time I pick it up.

I decided to put my phone down and then thought about what else I would do instead of browsing Pinterest.

Naturally, the one first thing I thought of  was to play piano!

Then I had this thought- if I’d had a cell phone as a teen, I wonder if I would have ever learned to play piano at all?

Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions.  Proverbs 4:25

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I am making a vow today to cut back on my phone usage.  I’m going to turn it completely off in the evenings.

If the family is watching tv, I will sit with them and read a book.  I will make conversations with them during commercials.

I might even sit in silence and twiddle my thumbs for a minute.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll do some writing.

There are far too many productive things I could be doing to be wasting so much time holding a phone!

Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness…. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.- Ephesians 5:16-17