seek me and find me

This is my “life-verse”.

When I was in my early 30’s, I experienced something life-changing.  I had been going to church steadily for a couple of years, and was doing my best to be a “good” person.

But I found myself in a place of complete discontentment.  Everything looked perfect from the outside, but inside, I felt like the dreams I had were slipping away… I wanted to move back to my hometown… I made all sorts of plans about my career and what I wanted to do, and none of those plans involved remaining in Charlottesville.

With every passing day, I grew more frustrated.

Finally, when I realized that the plans I had made weren’t going to come to fruition, I waved my white flag.

One evening I begged God to change my heart. I was sick and tired of being miserable, and oddly enough,  I was compelled to open the Bible and began to read.  I literally sat in my bed and flipped it open and read the first page it landed on.

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” – Philippians 4:11-12 

I didn’t know who Paul was, but something in me wanted to know more. 

I said- “God, if you can make Paul content, won’t you do that for me?”  It seemed like a simple enough request.  Could you make me content right where I am?  And would you help me to let go of  my own desires?  

And from that moment on, I started reading the Word and praying daily.  Little by little, I began to see Him work in my heart and life.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  Jeremiah 29:13

 I handed my pen over to Him- so He could write the story of my life.

And 10 short years later, I can honestly say-

His plans are far better than mine could have ever been!

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You’ve captured my heart

 

It’s a wonderful delight

in the absence of sunlight 

to sit and gaze upon 

a yellow bloom 

A flower big and bright

I smile at the sight

a little bit of happy

fills the room

 

 

 

 

We sang one of my favorite worship songs this past Sunday- Beautiful One.   I love how you can sing a song a hundred times, but God still makes it new in your heart!  I heard this line-

You’ve opened my eyes to Your wonders anew, You’ve captured my heart with this Love...

As we sang this song, I began to think of all the ways He has “captured” my heart over the past week… little things– like a random phone call, or a simple text message from a friend.  A compliment from a stranger, the perfect song on the radio at just the right time…

And yesterday He captured my heart again!

Last week, I had planned on going to pick sunflowers, but I ended up unable to go.  There’s just something special about sunflowers- I can’t stop smiling when I see them!  I was a little disappointed that I wasn’t able to go, but didn’t think much about it afterwards.

Well, just yesterday someone out of the blue brought me a bouquet of the longest, most beautiful sunflowers!  She knew how badly I wanted to go pick them last week, and wanted to brighten my day.  Such a simple gesture- but He captured my heart once again!

“You’ve opened my eyes to Your wonders anew, 

You’ve captured my heart with this Love, 

’cause nothing on earth is as beautiful 

as You”

…that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever.  Psalm 30:12

 

 

 

 

Breaking the (food) chain

peel me like an onion

heavy on the layers

I shed the outer skin

as I go to You in prayer

crying as I’m sliced up

a little more, I’m diced up 

I’m ready for the next plan

dump me in the pan

straight into the fryer 

turn the heat up higher

cook me till I’m done 

I’m in refiner’s fire

the hotter I’m becoming 

the more clearly I can see

molting all these layers 

leads me to transparency 

Tears welled in my eyes as I sliced the onion in half. I broke through that top layer of skin, and the tears freely flowed down my face.  Onions have a funny way of doing that to me.

I tossed them into the hot frying pan to sauté them. They sizzled as I stirred them back and forth. I was no longer tearing up, but noticed the sweetness of the aroma.  After they had been sautéd, their translucency was striking.  

Isn’t it something that an onion could be so drastically different in appearance, in taste, aroma, and in sight- after experiencing a little bit of “heat”?  Honestly, I don’t like being uncomfortable.  That’s why we all like comfort food, right?  It makes us feel good.  But it’s only an emotional reaction- not the real thing.

For  my entire life, I have used food for reward, punishment, pleasure, and emotional comfort.

I’m tired of being comfortable. I want to be all God wants me to be- and I really do believe that He wants me to be free from this ridiculous food obsession.

I woke up this morning, ready to cook some eggs, and I tried to tell myself that it was what I really wanted for breakfast.  Not true. I really just wanted a ginormous bowl of oatmeal.  But more than oatmeal, I want to break that chain…the never ending cycle of obsessing over food and using food for comfort.

And the only answer is more Jesus. And less self-gratification.

Less of me (literally and figuratively)…more of Him.

I’ve jumped into the frying pan with both feet, I’m feeling the heat, and I’m ready to be changed!

God- make me uncomfortable so I find comfort in YOU not FOOD! 

eat to live, not live to eat

There is power in His Name to break every chain!

Always be joyful.  Never stop praying- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17 

Happergy

Puppy Love

This is our dog, Remy- the most totally awesomest dog ever-

My husband and my youngest daughter are severely allergic to cats and most dogs.  Being a dog lover, I had suppressed my desire for a fur-baby far too long.  It was like a clock ticking inside of me- you know how when you are desperate to have a baby you notice every single expectant mother?  Well that is what happened to me… only I oohed and awed at every single dog I saw.  It was just pathetic.  So, one day I convinced my hubby to let me just look at rescue dogs on line.  I fell in love with one- a poodle mix and  emailed all the forms necessary to be considered for the adoption process.  Several days later, I noticed his picture was gone from the website, and my hopes were dashed.

About a week later, I saw this same dog’s picture back on the rescue site, and I quickly sent an email to them explaining that I sent paperwork and was very interested in him.  I got a response the next day, and went to see him at his “foster home”.  He roamed the field with dogs 5x his size and held his own. He was confident and quiet.  Fast on his feet and gentle with the girls.  He was delivered to us a few days before my oldest daughter’s  8th birthday and we have been blessed ever since!

So, here are my top 10 reasons why he’s a most totally awesome dog-

1. He smiles at me.  He has this little underbite and when he looks up at you, you can’t help but notice that he his smiling at you, and you have to smile back!!

2. He sneezes when he’s excited.  It is the cutest thing ever- he sneezes when he wants to play with you, when he wants what you are eating, when he is excited about anything- he starts sneezing.

3.  He gives us running hugs in the evenings.  I mean just what I said- he will (completely out of the blue) run into the living room and jump into my or my husband’s lap and put his paws around our neck.  Is that the sweetest thing ever?!

4. He allows me to enjoy a slower paced life.  One of the things I love about having a dog is that it keeps you grounded at your homestead.  I am a “homebody” and really do love being home.  Having a dog gives me a great reason to get home at a decent time.

5. He stops and smells the roses.  So, this reason is one that most pet owners will identify with- you go for a walk, and the instant he smells something, he will sniff for what feels like days and days… and it is usually when I am in a hurry to be somewhere.  But this reminds me to enjoy God’s creation and to not be in such a hurry.

6.  He loves to dance!  Ok- so he might be scratching his back, but in our happy little minds, he is overcome with joy and throws himself on his back and wiggles away, smiling all the while.

7. He keeps watch over us.  When any one of us are not home, he will faithfully sit by the basement stairs door, patiently waiting for whomever is not home.  He does not sleep soundly until everyone is accounted for.

8. He loves for me to play the piano.  No matter where he is, as soon as I sit down to play, I can hear the pitter-patter of his paws scurrying down the hallway to come be with me.  Remy will lay on top of my right foot- the one that is pedaling the piano.  Maybe he is just wanting a massage?!

9.  His fur makes great stuffing for pillows.  No joke!  I clipped his fur a few months back, and my oldest daughter gathered it all up and said that she wanted to use it as stuffing and make a pillow so that she would be close to him while she slept.  True story.  She still has the bag of fur. No fur pillow yet…

10.  He is a wonderful reminder to me that God cares about our every desire.    I prayed to God for the perfect dog for our family- for a long time.  I knew how severe my husband’s allergies and my daughter’s were, but I prayed that He would bring us the perfect dog to fit our family dynamics and health concerns.  He is faithful in all things!

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

In the two and a half years that we have had Remy, I have not regretted having him even for a single moment.  We don’t have a fenced in yard- so it is quite the commitment to walk him several times a day.  He gives us so much joy.  I love watching the girls play with him and take on more responsibilities with him as they get older.  When they have a bad day, all they want to do is snuggle with him.  He brings us closer together as a family and it is a joy to have him in our household!   And praise the Lord- most of the sneezes in the house are from Remy, not my allergy- plagued family!  He makes us happy, happy, happy!

So, what makes your dog awesome?